maybe I need a power bar
19.05.2009 - 19.05.2009
Intra Europe flights. Always interesting.
After leaving the sanctuary and free food, drink, power of the business class lounge.
Just the security lines to the gates in these mega international melting pots are like being in a market where all the languages of the world are spoken. Mountains of confiscated material - looked like most had just been purchased at the shops steps before the security point. Security folks gesturing wildly and trying to find common communication points.
Every interior in Europe right now is overheated so sweating is mandatory.
Once you get to the gate there is NO order. They simply state "now boarding" and the crowd surges forward. Often at Charles de Gaul you walk down the Jetway only to pile on a bus and take a looping, seemingly on and across itself, ride to yet another boarding area where you then shove and push your way on the plane. Many people acting like they have never been on planes before and I am thinking they actually haven't. Trains are likely what they are used to. Folks walking on looking bewildered.
I spot an interloper couple. A woman and man walk on near the end of boarding. There is an excited exchange of words and she sits next to me - nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers. She is super twitchy, got crazy eyes and constantly looking back down the airplane and at her husband, who is on the aisle but one row ahead and opposite her. My 'merican vigilance kicks in and wonder if she is a terrorist...then I'm like "naw, she's just a freak." Wondering what's up I look down at her ticket. Row 6 - Coach. Not row 4 - Business class. Ah HA! so that's what all the anxiety is about. So all through the rest of the boarding procedure she is all twitchy. She then asks the flight attendant if the middle divider can be removed and her husband sat between us. (business class intra-Europe on AF is merely a segment of the front of the aircraft with the middle seat converted into a table) The attendant said no...but then proceeded to ask me if I would switch. Grumble grumble...I had one of those balloons over my head with squiggles in it that cartoons use when the characters is all grumpy. Since I had been asked directly by the attendant AND I didn't want to come across as a total ass I said sure, it's only 1.5 hours and the aisle may be nice. I grabbed my bag and moved. Sat down and realized the two glossy gorgeous french Elle Decor and french Marie Claire interiors magazines were in the seat pocket. More grumpy bubbles over my head. I realized it too late and we were already taxing for takeoff and the flight attendants were seated. So I obsessed on my magazines watching these people out the far backward corner of my eye. I couldn't look cuz every time I did the woman would give me crazy lunatic eyes...the same frantic eyes I guessed were peering down the back of the plane before takeoff. I was just hoping her husband wouldn't notice the literature. DAMN crazy lunatic was looking at them. Soiled and feted. Damn! Then I thought to myself. Dude you are really going nutzo about these 2 Free French magazines. Well dammit I schlepped the damn things through security and on to the plane and HAD THEM IN MY SEAT. When these air PIRATES come and interlope into my row AND commandeer my treasure. I was determined to ask the attended the next time I saw her to get my precious cargo back. Unfortunately the next time I saw an attendant they were frantically giving us our "meal" sooooooo I breathed several times and let go of the fact I lost my magazines. At least I didn't pay for them. My new seat partner was Ms. Smug Yoga pants. She was reading some yoga poetry or something by some rashnishi. She had her glam Sophia Loren sunglasses on, had herself propped up against the window, feet on the chair and her Bose noise canceling headphones on. She though she was being chic but she looked like an alien and I was in no mood. The flight attendant before take off had asked her to take off the headphones, she refused. Clearly her yoga and spiritual enlightenment was going well - bitch. After take off she mercifully took her sunglasses off and wrapped a scarf around her head and face in total and slept. We landed and I left those nut jobs behind - thank god!